(The Stars - Undertow)

Haven't listened to the Sad Robots album by the Stars in awhile. Great album. The irony isn't lost on me because I know a thing or two about being a robot.

Speaking of robots...I wish this robot had some heavy artillery so I could use them to shoot my clients.

While here in Malaysia starting a new project with another client. An old client of mine emailed me this...


Hi,

We need to resolve the issue of transposing the result of “TST298734” - AccountPlan data into 12 columns at the earliest since the natives are getting restless.

We also need to close out the following with your help:
1) TST00073987 - UAT: Query Library Accruals Report Issues --- since this has been tracked for a while. I think the resolution is as easy as checking all components and making sure data comes up.
2) TST00064821 - Formal: ReportsTo Tree --- show how to add people to reports to tree as the Task generation does not add any new payee. Also you cannot create new rules under reports to tree.

Please advise a time that works for this discussion.
Thanks
Client


Now if you're wondering who the natives are -- they're Indians that live off the land AND work for my client.

So here's the typical responses that go back and forth between us...

"I'm not sure I have time to look at these items this week as I'm at a client site and I am 14 hrs ahead from you guys. When do you need these completed?"

"Oh we need this fix by yesterday...we need it urgently for the next release that's happening this week...when can you work on it? You're 14 hrs ahead of us?...then you should be available to do a quick meeting at 7 am your time/5 pm our time right?"

"Ughh...yeah I guess I can be available at 7 am my time for a quick meeting. I can't guarantee I'll have time to work on it this week but I'll see what I can do. If you need this urgently, I would suggest you contact _____ and he can help get a resource to work on this right away."

"Great...and we'll send out a recurring meeting every night at 10 pm your time or 8 am our time to get a status on the progress."

"Ughh...I'm not sure I'll always be available but sure."

"Well we'll schedule it and if you're not available, just let us know and we'll reschedule."

"Sure."

"Great!...Really appreciate your help on this!"

---

Now this is usually how I get roped into doing an extra 10-15 hrs of work each week at night after I get home from working at my existing client office. And after I complete the items, there's usually a few days silence before I get the next wave of requests the following week. Sometimes I'll if I'm lucky I won't get responses from them for months.

---

Then 3 months later we'll have this typical exchange...

"We need a fix on this test item because it needs to be completed for our next migration."

"Didn't I fix this 3 months ago?"

"Yes but we just tested it and didn't see any results in the report...it was blank."

"Did you test in DEV or TST?...cuz my fix was in DEV and I told you guys how to migrate it to TST the last time you had an urgent release."

"Ughh...we tested it in TST. Oh we see the results in DEV now. We must have forgot to migrate it last time."

"Wasn't it urgent that it made it into that release 3 months ago?"

"Yes...and it's even more urgent for this phase. Can you help us migrate it?"

---

This is why I need fricken lazers on my head. FML, I'm going to bed.

Durian Durian - Hungry Like a Wolf
(Paramore - That's What You Get)

I love durian. It's an exotic fruit that smells pungent but has a buttery sweet taste to it. The great thing about Asia is that it's readily available almost anywhere and in many different forms. The bad thing is, even some Asian people can't stand the smell.

Today after lunch I bought some durian mochis and brought them into the client office. Within 2 minutes I had sent half the office scrambling around to find out where the smell was. When they saw me eating the mochis, they looked at me and started to laugh.

I didn't care though. I have no shame.

Since last week I've had the following durian products...

durian mochis, durian ice cream and durian cake...

I wonder if they sell durian body lotion. My skin gets really dry in the winter.

Hello From Malaysia
(The XX - Intro)

So whenever I tell people I'm going to such and such, they're always like, "I'm so jealous!" or "I want your job!" I really have to remind people that work travel != vacation travel. The equation looks a little more like this work travel = working in a building that's located in another city. Sure you're a few steps from enjoying an exotic country but that's like working in an office with a great view of a sunny summer day you can't enjoy. It's one big cock tease. My job is basically learning to cope with blue balls.

Anyhow, I've been in Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) since last week for work. I also visited some friends in Singapore this past weekend. Haven't seen much while I've been in either countries but I have enjoyed the food and people here. Some of the things I've eaten...durian mochis, chilli crab, laksa (spicy soup), Singaporean chicken rice and bak kut teh (pork soup).

The general population for both countries is about average looking. The only reason I mention this is because I found Hong Kong surprisingly below average. It's almost like they banished all the ugly people to Hong Kong island. Wait...maybe that's why my work sent me there! Damn them! All kidding aside, after a few weeks in HK, I barely noticed this. When I got back to Toronto though, everyone looked like supermodels.

Back to KL and Singapore -- they love their shopping. There are a ton of huge malls here. All with very couture brands like Chanel, Burberry, Versace, etc. Prices are comparable to N. America with no significant discounts even with the great exchange rate.

So I hear the new George Clooney movie "Up In The Air" is a good representation of my last year of travel. I think I'll have to see this next week when I'm back in Toronto again. I should be grounded for the next few months. It'll be nice to get back to a normal local routine again.

Missing everyone in TO. See you all soon.